The Idealization of Romance: Why Romance Isn’t “Romancing” Like It Used to
The idealization of romance is a pervasive theme in literature, media, and popular culture, shaping our perceptions of love and relationships. This essay explores how romantic ideals have been portrayed and evolved over time, from Disney’s enchanting tales of princesses and princes to contemporary notions of “struggle love” and the impact of platforms like OnlyFans. While these narratives provide escapism and entertainment, they often lead to unrealistic expectations that can impact real-life relationships. This essay will delve into these aspects and encourage a more balanced perspective on love and relationships.
Disney Magic
Disney movies have long captivated audiences with enchanting love stories. They present perfect love stories, fairy-tale endings, and impeccably beautiful protagonists. Characters like Cinderella, Snow White, and Belle find their true loves effortlessly, with little room for conflict or compromise. While Disney’s romantic narratives provide magical escapism for viewers, they also cultivate unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. As we know, real-life relationships are not always as flawless, and they require work, understanding, and growth.
However, Disney has made significant shifts in their portrayal of love over recent years. As mentioned in the article “Love isn’t what it was” by Sophus Helle:
“Love, in the world of Walt Disney films, has changed. Between Tangled (2010) and Moana (2016), the ideal of heterosexual romance has been dethroned by a new ideal: family love. The happy ending of our most-watched childhood stories is no longer a kiss. Today, Disney films end with two siblings reconciled despite their differences, as in Frozen (2013); or a mother and a daughter making amends, as in Brave (2012) and Inside Out (2015); or a child reunited with long-lost parents, as in Tangled, Finding Dory (2016), and Coco (2011).”
Struggle Love
In contrast to Disney’s idealized narratives, popular culture sometimes promotes the concept of “struggle love.” This notion suggests that love is most authentic when accompanied by turmoil, drama, and hardship. While such stories can be gripping and emotional, they send the message that enduring suffering is a testament to the strength of love. In reality, healthy relationships are built on compatibility, communication, and mutual happiness. The glorification of struggle love can lead individuals to accept unhealthy dynamics and tolerate unnecessary pain in their relationships.
From my perspective as a black woman, I’ve noticed this theme in films portraying black couples or individuals, particularly in the Western hemisphere. One example is Disney’s “The Princess and the Frog,” one of my favorite films. However, when viewed through adult eyes, numerous red flags become apparent. Tiana, from the outset, is presented as a hardworking and independent woman who later compromises her values out of desperation. Unlike the traditional narrative of being rescued by a prince, Prince Naveen ends up needing to be rescued, with Tiana turning into a frog and having to help both herself and Naveen transform back into humans. Even then, Tiana’s “fairytale” only materializes after they get married, as she was stuck as a frog for life.
But that in itself is a whole different topic on its own which i feel may be better presented by black women that have grown up in the western hemisphere and been affected by these things.
Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages are another facet of the idealization of romance. Media often portrays these unions as oppressive, devoid of love, and against individual choice. For a deeper understanding, Samra Zafar’s memoir “A Good Wife” provides valuable insights into the life of a Pakistani teenager promised a marriage in Canada against her will. While this may be true in many cases, it’s essential to acknowledge the diverse cultural contexts of arranged marriages, where many lead to happy, fulfilling relationships. Media’s narrow portrayal can perpetuate stereotypes and misconceptions, failing to capture the complexities and nuances of arranged marriages.
One can gain valuable insights from the documentary ‘Some Kind of Arrangement’ by Ali Kazimi, which explores arranged marriages in contemporary times. Engaging and refreshingly candid in their opinions, the documentary makes it abundantly clear that arranged marriages have evolved significantly from their historical perceptions.
“Love at First Sight”
The concept of “love at first sight” is a recurring theme in romantic narratives. Characters in books, movies, and television shows often experience immediate, all-consuming love, bypassing the process of building genuine connections. This portrayal overlooks the importance of understanding, trust, and shared experiences that underpin real-life relationships. Love is a journey of exploration and growth, not just an instant, intense emotion. Falling in love at first sight, as depicted in media, often represents an unrealistic and potentially harmful fantasy.
No one truly falls in love at first sight, and if someone claims to have fallen in love with you after just a two-second glance, it might be wise to keep your distance — unless you want to become Joe Goldberg’s next target!
1950s Era vs. “OnlyFans” Era
The portrayal of romance has evolved significantly over time, reflecting changing societal norms, gender roles, and technological advancements. In the 1950s, romantic ideals were often tied to traditional gender roles and nuclear families, emphasizing stability and conformity. In contrast, the “OnlyFans” era showcases a more open and diverse approach to love, relationships, and intimacy. This shift is reflective of societal progress but also presents new challenges and complexities in the realm of romance.
In the contemporary era, love is sometimes perceived as something tangible rather than intangible. This is evident in the rise of “femininity gurus,” expanding manosphere circles, red pill, blue pill, black pill..?, whatever pill there is.
On one side of the spectrum, there’s much criticism towards women who pursue independence and feminism, while on the other side of the spectrum people look down on those who embrace the more traditional approaches to love.
Depending on one’s values and beliefs, neither perspective is inherently superior, but an imbalance in Western society has led to a significant decrease in marriages and more individuals seeking temporary relief from loneliness through adult websites and ai — which I’ll discuss in the next video coz man oh man is that a rabbit hole.
Ultimately, what most people truly desire is to be loved, regardless of the path they choose to pursue.
There’s certainly more to unpack when it comes to the ideals of what creates a “perfect” relationship as all these things differ from individual to individual.
For some, it is centered around their religion, others politics, others money/status and much more.
Conclusion
To conclude, The idealization of romance is a powerful force in shaping our perceptions of love and relationships. From Disney’s enchanting tales to contemporary notions of “struggle love” and the evolving dynamics of the “OnlyFans” era, media and culture play a significant role in constructing these ideals. While these narratives provide entertainment and escapism, they also contribute to unrealistic expectations.
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Sources:
- “Love isn’t what it was” by Sophus Helle
- Some Kind of Arrangement by Ali Kazimi — NFB
